Helping Children and Teens Cope with the Death of A Loved One

 Helping Children and Teens Cope with the Death of One Loved 

  1. Be aware of what you yourself are feeling; have some safe ways of expressing your feelings with children and teens away from them.
  1. Provide ample time and a comfortable physical space to listen.
  1. Respect whatever unique ways children and teens express their feelings; know that their expression is likely to be intense, brief, and repeated.
  1. Listen, be present and listen more.
  1. Arrange some physical methods for children to express their feelings.  Examples: clay, paints, journaling, tearing of old magazines, blocks, etc.
  1. Do not overload children with information; answer only the questions they ask.  Be patient when they repeatedly ask the same question(s).
  1. Offer appropriate choices for decision-making.  Death may bring feelings of losing control.
  1. Answer children’s question(s) with simplicity and honesty. “I don’t know” is an acceptable answer.  Describe death and dying in literal items.
  1. Remember that young children will generalize and associate about important people and emotions.  Example: if a sibling died in the hospital, then hospitals are likely to hold certain fears.
  1. Know that a child will grieve cyclically – at each new developmental level he or she will relive their loss as they continue to integrate the loss into their life at new stages.
  1.  Observe that a child grieves as part of a family, and the entire family structure has shifted.  This may mean a change in roles and an additionalloss to their grief.
  1.  Respect, encourage, and honor a child’s and teens feelings, whether they are fear, sadness, guilt, anger or love.  These are natural feelings that help the

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Talking about 9/11

Suggestions for teachers, parents and adults when talking to children about September 11th.

Adapted from Donna A. Gaffney, DNSc, PMHCNS-BC, FAAN

How do we begin the conversation with students who are so young that they only have knowledge of 2001 from parents and older siblings or friends? The following suggestions may help in beginning the conversation.

Language: Be consistent in how you refer to September 11, 2001

  • September 11th or September 11, 2001
  • 9/11, (pronounced nine-eleven) the numeric shorthand that has forever labeled this day in our history.
  • If possible, show younger students a calendar
  • 9-1-1: Do not use this way of referring to September 11. And correct those who may be using this term

Saying 9-1-1 is confusing, 911 is the emergency telephone number for the North American Numbering Plan

Geographic Considerations

  • Remember this is not just a New York, Washington or Pennsylvania event
  • Students in the metropolitan areas surrounding these cities may be much more savvy about using certain words (9/11, terrorism, etc) but they still may not have full comprehension of their meanings.

Maturity

  • Remember that as a student matures he or she may have a different understanding and new questions about September 11, 2001.
  • Twelve years is a long time in a student’s life. A child who was barely five years old will be at a completely different developmental stage at 16.
  • As children cognitively mature, they are able to comprehend much more information.
  • Adolescents are able to perform abstract reasoning
  • A child or teen may experience feelings of their younger selves on that day, i.e. a 16-year-old remembers the feelings of that day as a 5-year-old.
  • Be prepared

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UNR Grad To Finish Solace Tree Benefit Swim Around Lake Tahoe Saturday, August 31

Robby Schlesinger, 23, spent the month of August swimming the perimeter of Lake Tahoe in memory of his father, Bob Schlesinger, who accomplished the same feat twice in the early 90s. Robby will finish his swim Saturday, August 31 at 10:00 a.m. at the same place he started a month ago – North Tahoe Beach at King’s Beach. He will present a check to Solace Tree President Dave Wertzberger at that time.

Robby’s swim took place in various legs, consisting of several miles a day in 50-60 degree water, spanning several days. While his father swam for charities such as the American Cancer Society and Save the Rainforest, Robby’s swim is to benefit the Solace Tree, whose message inspired him after he lost his father five years ago.

Bob Schlesinger swam Lake Tahoe 23 years ago while his son was still an infant. When Robby was 15, his father was injured in a car accident that eventually left him with severe chronic pain. After years of struggling with his condition, Bob Schlesinger took his own life.

As his family grieved, Robby was inspired by the message of the Solace Tree, which provides counseling and a safe environment for those who have experienced a loss to express their grief. In cooperation with Solace Tree Executive Director Emilio Parga, Robby has established Swimming for Solace, which has been collecting donations and pledges to directly support the Solace Tree.

The Solace Tree, Inc. a 501c (3) non-profit based in Reno, NV. The Solace Tree mission is to provide

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Camp Solace Brings Kids, Teens and Volunteers Together to Find Hope and Healing

Contact: Jackie Shelton jshelton@jax-marketing.com | 775.772.6543   FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Reno, NV (August 8, 2013) – Nearly 75 children, teens and volunteers enjoyed Camp Solace at Lake Tahoe last weekend, where they were able to have fun, share stories of the people they’ve lost and just be kids. “Every year, I’m reminded of what a life-changing experience … Read more

Child & Teen Grief Awareness Day

Thursday, November 21, 2013 Children and teens who have had a loved one die often feel alone in their grief, like nobody understands what they’re going through. Experiencing a death can be overwhelming for anyone, but it is especially difficult for those so young. Grieving children need support. And the first step in that support … Read more

Swimming for Solace Kick-Off Event: Saturday, August 3 at 8:30 a.m. at North Tahoe Beach, King’s Beach

Contact: Jackie Shelton
jshelton@jax-marketing.com | 775.772.6543

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

UNR Grad Swims Lake Tahoe in Father’s Memory
To Benefit the Solace Tree
Kick-Off Event: Saturday, August 3 at 8:30 a.m.
at North Tahoe Beach, King’s Beach

Reno, NV (July 30, 2013)Robby Schlesinger, 23, has spent the last few months preparing to swim the perimeter of Lake Tahoe in the memory of his father, Bob Schlesinger, who accomplished the same feat twice in the early 1990s. While his father swam for charities such as the American Cancer Society and Save the Rainforest, Robby will be repeating the same swim to benefit the Solace Tree, whose message inspired him after he lost his father five years ago.

Robby is training extensively for his swim this August, which will kick off from Camp Solace at North Tahoe Beach in King’s Beach on Saturday, August 3, at 9:00 a.m. and take place in various legs, consisting of several miles a day in 50-60 degree water, spanning several days. While the training is arduous and the challenge is daunting, Robby finds motivation in the memory his father. “My dad always prided himself on being the guy that brought people together,” says Robby, “and I think that’s what we should shoot for too.”

Bob Schlesinger swam lake Tahoe 23 years ago while his son was still an infant. When Robby was 15, his father was injured in a car accident that eventually left him with severe chronic pain. After years of struggling with his condition, Bob Schlesinger took his own life.

As his family grieved,

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“A Different Way to Grieve”

 

Contact: Jackie Shelton
jshelton@jax-marketing.com | 775.772.6543

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

 

The Solace Tree Presents: “A Different Way to Grieve”

A Journal and Activities for Middle-School Kids by Middle-School Kids

Reno, NV (June 25, 2013) – The Solace Tree has published its latest book, “A Different Way to Grieve,” to help middle-school students cope with the death of a loved one. The journal and activity book, which was written by Allyson Siwajian and Terri Vann, along with middle-school students who have lost loved ones of their own, is available for $11.95. “This is a resource for middle-school students, something that hasn’t been available to them before,” said Emilio Parga, Solace Tree founder and executive director. “And middle-school is an especially tough age, so it’s so important that we reach these kids.”

“A ‘Different Way to Grieve’ is a wonderful book to help grieving children not feel alone in their journey,” said Linda Goldman, author of “Life and Loss,” “By offering real stories and grief activities, this resource creates a needed avenue for young people to express their thoughts and feelings while they are comforted by the sharing of others.”

“A Different Way to Grieve” is available on the Solace Tree website: www.solacetree.org/bookstore, along with these other titles:

  • Out of the Shadows, $9.95
  • Kids Can Cope, $9.95
  • Love Never Stops, $7.95
  • I Will Never Forget You, $11.95
  • No Child Should Grieve Alone, $9.95

Proceeds from these books benefit peer support programs and services at The Solace Tree for grieving children, teens and families, a 501c (3) non-profit based in Reno, NV. The Solace Tree has  a

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The Solace Tree Receives Support from Numerous Organizations and Businesses

Reno, NV (June 10, 2013) – “The Solace Tree is dependent on the donations of foundations, organizations and individuals,” said Emilio Parga, Solace Tree Executive Director. “We are so grateful for all of our supporters.” Those that supported the Solace Tree in spring 2013, include: Barbara Scherr Ebara International Gentiva Hospice Foundation Leonette Foundation Nevada … Read more